Loving ourselves in an overly judgey world
What does it take to be fully comfortable in your own skin? How can we shut out the noise in our head and heal from the negative self-talk and criticisms of others?
Honestly, both practices of “accepting your body” and “striving to be your best self” is a balancing act that I frequently stumble down from.
I keep catching myself focusing on my imperfections, like how I have a squish in my midsection, a dark spot on my face, and gray hair. I find myself often worrying about how much or how little muscle tone I have, and how efficiently my body can or cannot move. Let’s not forget about the stress of choosing clothing that fits well and looks good, and what to feed myself and when. I have deleted endless videos and selfies because I focus too much on what’s wrong instead of the positive message I am trying to convey to my followers. This constant judgement is taking up too much of my head space and I am sick of it. After talking with clients and friends, I know many of you can relate.
It’s no wonder we’re fixated - our bodies are under constant scrutiny. Even within our own families. When I was a kid, my big brother would torment me about my weight, calling me “fat” and all types of body-shaming words a little boy could know. He would write stories about this character he created based on his little sister complete with illustrations that were very damaging to my emotions and self-image. I would cry and run off to tell my mom. She would casually say, “stop bothering your sister” without any real repercussions. Meanwhile, my brother - who had a slim frame - would get tormented by my dad for being “skinny.” He would cry like I cried when I was made fun of for my body. I never stooped to their level by making fun of my brother in retaliation. I understood how hurtful it was, and I didn’t want to make him feel worse.
Every time those harsh judgments come spewing out of the mouths of careless people, it sticks with us and makes us question our looks, and even our self worth. We become our own worst bully, talking down to ourselves. ENOUGH!
“What does it take to be fully comfortable in your own skin? How can we shut out the noise in our head and heal from the negative self-talk and criticisms of others? ”
Just like you would your own child, loving your body means taking good care of it, and accepting the parts in which you can’t change. Things that help me when I start obsessing over my shortcomings are:
Limit or avoid social media. Between AI-generated images, AR face filter apps, and Photoshop magic, you can’t trust that people are being their genuine selves online so do not compare yourself to others. Best to stick with cat memes and puppy videos or stay off these channels altogether.
Be mindful of what you say to yourself. The way you talk to yourself matters. Battle negative self-talk by flooding it with positive self-talk. Look yourself in the mirror every morning and say something positive, like, “hey good looking,” or “I am so proud of you!”. Whenever you catch yourself saying something negative, stop, recognize it, and flip the script. Positive self-talk helps build confidence, self-love, and improves motivation and attitude.
Show yourself more love. High five yourself for all the wins in your life and practice gratitude daily. Be gentle with yourself and fuel your body with nourishing food, water and movement.
Be brave. Defend yourself against bullies, even when that bully is you.
Keep moving forward, striving for your best self. Despite the inevitable stumble off the balancing act between accepting your body as it is and working on making it better, never stop growing and improving your life.
My book, “Gettin’ Fit, Learnin’ Sh*t (About Myself and Life): A Beginners Guide to an Active Lifestyle, For Life!” is now available on Amazon here or free with any coaching program. Check it out!
